Cover Story
Marilynn McVicker
A Daughter's Plea
Why is this happening to me?" That was the question my mother asked 6 years ago as she lay on the hospital bed. At that point, she had suffered several strokes, high blood pressure, diabetes and much more.
My mother had a good sense of humor; she was always cheerful and lively. She was an amiable Christian and people enjoyed being around her. However, none of these qualities could prevent what was about to happen.
In October of 2003, she was taken to the hospital because she was experiencing numbness in one of her arms. After examination, the physician discovered that she was going through a series of strokes. But that was just the beginning. She had to remain in the hospital for a number of tests. While there, she had another stroke and was paralyzed on her left side. Of course, this changed her outlook on life. I saw what was once a cheerful woman, become one who was depressed and heartbroken.
Her depression only made the recovery worsen. From October through January, she experienced more strokes and a heart attack, which made her comatose with limited brain function. Her organs also began to shut down. On January 23, 2004 my mother passed away.
I can still hear her question "Why is this happening to me?" At that time, I had to respond in a way that was gentle, yet honest. That wasn't the time for her to hear her daughter preach to her about the effects of poor eating habits, lack of exercise, and disregard to doctor's instructions. Instead, I looked kindly into my mother's eyes and said, "Sometimes our bodies .........
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initiatives, including community and industry outreach.
Linda is committed to the Southeastern Wisconsin community. She serves on the Milwaukee Area
Workforce Investment Board and is also active on the MATC Foundation Board of Directors.
Born and raised in Atlanta, Georgia she remembers having parents that showed her unconditional love, taught her how to love everybody and being married for 63 years, showed her through example what love was all about. Linda has lived in Milwaukee for a little over 11 years and while working as the Director of Public Relations for Potawatomi Bingo Casino, her Mom had a stroke at the age of 83.
Up until then her mom was in good health, was active and even volunteered. When Linda talks about her parents, it’s obvious that this only child has a strong family bond.
So what do you do when you are a busy mother working in corporate America and your parent gets
sick? More and more Americans are facing that dilemma on a daily basis. In many instances, elderly
parents become impaired through chronic illness, senility or disability and many times lose their ability to be self-sufficient. Even if they are physically capable, many older parents may still need help
shopping, doing housework, transportation, and home repair and even paying the bills.
Within weeks of her stroke, Linda’s Mom went from being independent to needing around the clock care. Life changed overnight for this corporate single mom. She conveyed that there was a tremendous amount of guilt. Do you step away from everything and move back home? “There’s a deep sense of responsibility, they committed themselves to you and you want to do the same” Sowell said. The reality was she had a mortgage, a job and responsibilities in Milwaukee, so she sat down
and brainstormed on what to do with her Dad and her only son. The results were Linda would fly to
Atlanta on weekends to be with her mother while her Dad, a cousin and a family friend helped during the week. Her Mom, who also suffered from a form of Leukemia lived 18 months after her stroke and
definitely had the best care there was.
Four years later, Linda’s Dad who suffered from Coronary Heart disease fell ill at the age of 88.
With his illness Linda took a family medical leave of absence for 3 months and once again was there
to help with her ailing parent. His illness progressed fast and he died in September 2007 in a residential hospice facility. Remembering her Dad Linda says, “He held my hand from the moment that I can remember as a young girl and the final moment that we were together.” His hands were always a source of strength, love and a clear example of hard work.” Holding back tears Linda talked about how she allowed her son to be a part of the decision making. She says it’s important to involve our younger generation in the planning process and to have the conversations about life. She says, “Let’s not ignore them, help them understand and they may just have a perspective that we don’t see as adults.”
Linda also shared the role her girlfriends played in being there every step of the way. They did a lot of
heavy lifting, they gave her a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, helped pick burial outfits and even flew to Atlanta to show their support. Linda wants adults with aging parents to know that there are many resources out there including The Department on Aging. (http://dhs.wisconsin.gov/
aging/) or (http://www.aoa.gov/)
“It’s important toexplore your options, have different conversations with siblings and parents and know that you are not alone.” As you can imagine making decisions when everybody is emotional makes things so much harder. After the whirlwind of dealing with both parents falling ill, Linda is able to look back and know that she did everything that could be done for her Mom and Dad and that feels good.
- Andrea Williams